oFriday: Previously, you raised an interesting topic that I’d like to explore, and that is that adoption is a business. Can you tell me more about that?
Thursday: To be honest, MOST of the agency infant adoption world is unnecessary, and therefore, full of corruption.
Wednesday: Domestic infant adoption is a business…. plain and simple…and business have to keep up supply, demand, and profit to stay in business. There are few instances (I would venture to say, almost no instances) where domestic infant non-special needs adoption is strictly necessary to save the life of the child. That’s a fantasy that agencies like to sell, but it just isn’t the case. Is every domestic infant adoption unethical? No. Would many/most domestic infant adoptions be unnecessary if society was more supportive of parenting in less than ideal situations? Unquestionably yes.
Tuesday: Yes, yes, a thousand times yes to this. This can be an incredibly painful fact for those struggling with infertility whose deep desire of the heart is be able to turn to adoption in order to re-create as close as possible what biological parents get to do— raise a healthy child starting from the moment of birth or in the newborn period.
The reality is that these are not the children who are in need of adoptive homes. The “demand” outstrips supply, and money involved is lucrative, and the motivation to increase supply by any means necessary then creates the perfect breeding ground for corruption and child trafficking.
This is seen in just about every single country doing international adoption as well. There is a classic scene that plays out in international adoption that has happened so many times that it practically predictable.
1. Adoption agencies scout out new countries with easy laws and available children, and set up shop.
2. They advertise, aggressively. These advertisements usually involve appealing to people’s sense of charity, compassion, while also appealing to what most people WANT in an adoption process, a guarantee of a healthy child as young as possible, in as short of a time frame as possible.
3. The program rapidly begins to gain speed and momentum. Whatever oversight infrastructure the home country had to oversee adoptions is quickly inundated. Those in positions overseeing orphan care suddenly find themselves flush with cash and needing to maintain a steady supply of *NEW* “orphans” coming into care in order to keep business running without a hitch.
4. Whatever corruption that already existed, EXPLODES. In hindsight looking back, this period of “wild wild west corruption” usually corresponds with the “peak” years of adoptions processed from this country. “Wild wild west” corruption includes hiring “finders” to go to villages and homes and convince families that relinquishing their child or children to the orphanage will result in material benefits for their child and family, and the money they offer seems like pennies in to us but is quite promising and lucrative to poor families in these countries. It also includes out and out KIDNAPPING of people’s children. It includes falsifying a child’s documents and identity papers so that their story can fit the definition of orphan and appear above suspicion. It degrades into a free for all bonanza of keeping up with Western demand for healthy, young as possible infants and older toddlers, at any cost.
5. Eventually, corruption is so systemic for so long, that from time to time, they get “caught”. Stories don’t match up, paperwork doesn’t match up, children are old enough and let slip certain information, a handful of parents from in-country who realize they have been lied to, or simply change their mind, decide to be vocal and demand their child back. Those who have their child simply “disappear” might make the news somewhere. And slowly, the door starts cracking open as certain people asks harder questions and dig deeper. Then an avalanche of stories comes pouring out.
6. Damage control from all parties involved in making money from this begins. The time frame for a match, which has already been lengthening due to so much demand, now begins to slow even more dramatically. Some countries close down completely for adoption at this point. Others tighten requirements and oversight to such a degree that it is no longer a “desirable” place to recruit potential adoptive parents who do not want to wait 3+ years for placement.
7. If the country hasn’t already closed, adoptions began to decrease in number as result of #6. Adoption agencies who are always scouting out new locations and countries, have usually already done some work on the ground in some place new. Once they have secured themselves enough on the ground to have enough children in care to be able to offer international adoption, they “open” their new program and you start all over again at point #1 in a new country.
The thing about this kind of corruption is that it is relatively EASY to root out *if* you have local contacts and know to ask questions. What prospective adoptive parents walk into an adoption seminar and think that this kind of stuff goes on? How many adoptive parents think to question the legitimacy of a process that seems so full oversight and checks and balances? We jump through a million and one hoops of paperwork and background checks and fingerprints and therefore we trust in the show of paperwork and bureaucracy.
This is only the tip of the iceberg. I could probably go on for a thousand more words. I also know it can be overwhelming and shocking to realize that this stuff exists, but it is SO KEY to know this BEFORE starting the process to protect yourself and protect vulnerable children.
And let me tell you, adoption agencies and other adoptive families can get testy and defensive when you start delving into these kind of ethical discussions, and accusations of being “anti-” adoption and trying to discourage people from adopting when there is such a “NEED.”
I am in NO WAY “anti-adoption”, as evidenced by the fact that we have adopted several times now. What I am is PRO-TRUTH, and I fully believe that those of us who are vested in the well being of children should WANT the truth, *even if* it leads to less adoptions.
Thursday: An adoption agency is not an unbiased party. As I mentioned earlier, most of the big ones you have heard of are BUSINESSES. Businesses need to stay in business, so they need to meet the demand.
If a woman goes to an agency for counseling about what she should do about her pregnancy it IS going to be biased. Of course it is. They need her baby in order to stay in business, make payroll, and keep the electricity on.
Women should be encouraged to have counseling with an un-biased counselor regarding this decision. This means not a Crisis Pregnancy Center, and not an adoption agency. It should be a licensed counselor, and ideally one who has experience/understanding of adoption loss and trauma.
I believe that the agency/hopeful adoptive parents should NOT pay for most things, but I DO think that they should be willing to pay for counseling with a counselor of the expectant parent’s choosing, if they are unable to pay for it themselves or don’t have insurance.
Wednesday: I would NEVER, NEVER, NEVER have used the agency that Baby was placed through if they hadn’t had my child. They are a private for-profit domestic agency in my state. They mostly handled straight infant adoptions but occasionally got preemies and a few minor medical special needs babies. They ended up with Baby because their social worker was from South America and Baby’s parents wanted to place with someone who got their culture. I didn’t like the agency and the feeling I got from them from the get-go, but I fell in love with Baby.
First of all, I found Baby through a facilitator/broker. The agency used a facilitator to promote Baby on adoption photo-listings and network with potential adoptive parents. For the $3500 we ultimately ended up paying the broker, this person called some fellow facilitators and got them to place Baby on their photo-listing and handled the initial review of my family’s profile before giving us the agency’s contact info and her recommendation. In between my contact with the facilitator and submitting my info to the agency, I had to provide her with financials (ability to pay) information.
There was some misunderstanding/miscommunication to the tune of approximately $3500 in our upfront cash that the agency wanted before placing with us. When the agency realized that the numbers didn’t quite add up, they called the facilitator and that person called me and HIT THE ROOF! That’s when I realized I was dealing with a bunch of folks that were all about the money. I told this person that since they obviously thought we were lying about the money and that was more important than this child’s best interest I would step aside in favor of another family if they had one lined up.
Then this person and the agency back pedaled big time. They had no other family and didn’t want to front the actual costs of finding one. I ended up paying the facilitator out of my pockets, plus the agency, plus half a dozen other ancilliary fees to other brokers who were shopping Baby around I’m sure.
All in all, Baby’s adoption cost $40K. I had $25K the day we brought Baby home, and my spouse and I signed a promissory note notarized by an attorney for the remaining $15K. That was what the bulk of the paper-work and investigation into our family amounted to. I’m not sure that anyone ever even looked at our home study or profile except possibly the dear foster mother who Baby was placed with. They couldn’t have cared less about who we were. We passed a home study. We passed the FBI fingerprints and ICPC. We had the cash. That’s what they cared about.
Now we were the perfect family for Baby. However, these people didn’t know that and didn’t care. The agency is now out of child placing and I say Thank the Lord!
I want to add that most of that $40K went into the agency’s coffers. Baby was over a year old when we found the picture and had only been in private foster care for 2 months. The agency did no birth parent support/housing/subsidy and we used separate legal counsel for finalization in our home state. Also, our home study was with another independent agency. So that’s $40K for agency staff salaries.
There are good domestic agencies out there, some even placing infants. My sibling has worked with an agency in my state that is doing great work. However, you really have to do your homework and be clear on what you will and won’t do or consent to being done in order to bring home a child.
Tuesday: As a side trail, take the oft-quoted statistic that there are 147 million orphans, or 135 million orphans worldwide or whatever the current figure is trotted out to be. This is used as a plea to make people think about the overwhelming need for adoptive families to step up and fill in the gap for these children.
In REALITY, that is a number that includes children who HAVE at least one living parent. My grandfather died at 39 of heart disease and left my grandmother a widow with 4 young children. My mother was certainly in no manner, shape or form “an orphan” in need of a whole new family to pop out of the blue and adopt her as a solution to her loss of a father. The UNICEF statistic that is used to urge adoption was originally developed as a way for UNICEF to highlight the need for in-country, on the ground family preservation and support for those most vulnerable to poverty, starvation, illness and disease. http://www.unicef.org/media/media_45279.html
Monday: Direct infant placemen is a HORRIBLE idea of international adoption. The reality is that there are not enough domestic infants being placed for adoption to meet the rampant demand that already exists in the US. Adoption, whether domestic or international, should always be a last resort for a mother to choose, not a first.
If you open international adoption up to allowing mothers to directly choose and place, all you do is open the door and ask the US government to sanction blatant, widespread child trafficking.
The world’s poor readily sell their organs and rent their uteri for wealthy Westerners. If you allow direct parental relinquishment in international adoption, not only do you turn children into a commodity to meet our insatiable demand, but you will open breeding programs in poor nations whereby women are deliberately bred and held for the purpose of harvesting infants and forced “relinquishments.” That has already been seen in far too many international adoption programs when we didn’t sanction it. There would be NO stopping it if you allowed the practice. As a nation, we simply cannot allow that outcome. Furthermore, there is simply NO WAY that dangling the promise of a rich American life could be anything but highly coercive to parents in poor nations who desperately want a chance and a future for their children.
Tuesday: There will always be children in true need of adoptive homes and families. As we live in a broken world, that will always be the case. We shouldn’t be afraid of telling the truth, and we should believe in a zero tolerance policy for anything else, because truth, transparency, integrity, and a commitment to children and families means that those children who *truly* in need of an adoptive homes are the ones that have resources devoted to advocating and finding permanency for them.
If we ever do an international medical needs adoption again, I will hire finders on the ground in the host country, to independently verify any and all information I received on a child. This to me is an absolute must. You cannot verify the legitimacy of a child’s story and documentation by trusting the word of the agency who tells you they are “legitimate”.
It may cost more money up front, but it is far preferable to the alternative of risk.
There are finders in every country that has international programs. There are also ways of double checking the information you get from finding sources as well.
Monday: Do not assume that expenses collected for a birthmother’s living expenses in domestic infant adoption actually go to the mother. When I was considering placing my first child for adoption, the prospective family threatened to sue me for fraud after I backed out of the placement. They alleged that they paid several thousand dollars for my living expenses.
Except……they didn’t.
The ONLY help I ever received on my living expenses was a bag of maternity clothes given to me by a friend of the facilitator and a piece of clothing this person bought me at a thrift store. The facilitator did network to find me a home to stay at in her church, but my parents paid my living expenses. The facilitator, with a GED as her furthest education, charged several hundred dollars an hour for “counseling” every time she met with me. It was NOT counseling, nor was it ever disclosed to me that she was billing anyone for it. She also took me out to eat at fancy restaurants and apparently billed the couple for the two of us plus a slew of her personal friends who ate with her. Lastly, she billed them for medical expenses, except I had health insurance that paid for everything and what my health insurance did not cover, again my parents paid.
I saw less than $150 of the supposed several thousand that was paid for my “expenses” by that family. I cannot tell you what the facilitator did with those funds. I can only tell you that those funds did NOT go to me, nor did they pay for any of my needs or support
Tags: adoption, adoption agency, adoptive parents, birthmother, business, corruption, dia, domestic infant adoption, international adoption, maternity, orphans, paperwork, parental relinquishments, unicef
Exposing the Elephants of Ethics in Adoption 